I celebrated my 1 year clean and sober, and was blown away by the journey I traversed to get here. So many decisions, so many mistakes and achievements, so much chaos and serenity... one right after the other. I've laughed and cried, lost friends and gained better relationships, fought and surrendered. Lost who I thought I was and learned who I truly am (and I'm pretty damn awesome, if I do say so myself).
I've heard that mistakes don't define who I am. I disagree. As my best friend, Cassandra, put it, "It's not the mistakes that made me who I am, it's what I've learned from those mistakes." It's true. Mistakes are a matter of perception. One seemingly random decision can affect my entire life. I decide whether that effect is negative or positive, and if I strive to grow from the lessons hidden in every mistake, then the result is always positive.
Losing custody of my kids was the greatest pain I've ever endured, but the blessings behind that pain are immeasurable. The love I have for my babies never lessened; the love I have for myself has flourished. My mistakes forced my hand... I could no longer spend my life detesting who I was and running from my past. I reached a dead end and had to create a new path for myself, one that led to growth and discovery, love and healing.
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