Life's Terms

    "Life on life's terms." One of the basic concepts for recovery, yet my biggest struggle this entire past year of sobriety. Soon as I think I have the hang of it, I discover that I actually don't. There's a line in the AA Big Book on page 417: "Unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes." Sounds easy, right? Change my perspective, change my situation. Just be happy and accept my circumstances, and all will be well? Not exactly. Rather, remind myself that I can and will get through whatever happens with a positive outlook and hopeful mentality. I will trust that there is a Divine Plan, and that everything is as it should be in the current moment. I will replace my anxiety and fear with peace and strength, remaining balanced within my universe.
     My mental health and my recovery are intertwined. One fails, the other is close behind. My heart and mind are broken right now, putting my sobriety at risk. Relapse is the ultimate temptation, a bittersweet escape from the shattered reality I'm trying so desperately to avoid. Breathe. Calm down. It's not worth it. I am worth living. I am worth fighting my inner demons another day. My personal power is my own - why give it to a negative action towards another person or even myself. Let go of what angers me; focus my mind elsewhere, some place that brings me to serenity. I am above the games of aggression and power plays that plagued my substance-riddled past. Forget the past, learn from my previous mistakes and move towards my future. Change the anger, grief and fear that rules me. Replace that negativity with positive affirmations, hope and kindness. Love others, love myself, and surround myself with a blanket of peaceful energy. Simply BE.